I’ve fallen in love again. And it feels wonderful. The smile is back on my face. I’m not walking on clouds; I’m skipping on the kitchen floor and humming my favorite tunes. I tease my husband and drive the children crazy. It’s love, I tell you. LOVE.
I can hear you from here: “Poor Maryse! Too many years in the dark. Too many struggles and losses. She’s finally gone gaga. She’s going to pull an Elizabeth Gilbert (author of ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ and ‘Committed’) and vanish to the depths of Brazil, where dashing Osmar will teach her the rudiments of samba and caipirinha.” I can see your texts: “Have you gone mad? What’s happened to you? What about your responsibilities? WRITE BACK ASAP!”
I’ve read enough about rebirths in Himalayan monasteries or in the slums of Calcutta to know that I had as much hope of finding renewed excitement and meaning in my New York suburban home as of seducing George Clooney on my next flight to Belgium. So where is this buzz coming from? What is the source of this happy electricity coursing through me? I had neither the strength to haul my cargo of grief and fear to the other side of the world nor the energy to practice the wonderful self-help exercises I collected over the years. When blizzard conditions shut down my inner airport, all bets were off. And yet it’s happened. In the lonely waiting lounge, with the gates to sunnier skies temporarily closed and my ticket to happiness thrown in the nearby garbage can. It’s happened. I haven’t found the love of my life (it actually found me some 20 years ago). I have re-discovered my love of life.
It does not involve a huge trip to the outposts of my personal desert. It does not ask that I leave my family behind. All it takes is the decision to LIVE. I repeat: all that is required is my active choice FOR life. Beyond crying spells and panic attacks I now offer my life the gift my children receive everyday: unconditional love. It does not make the pain disappear. Fatigue and anxiety are not gone. But in the space created for love, optimism and light are growing strong. Laughter and music have found their way back into my heart and their rhythm signals a new departure: it’s time I focused on all that is good. It’s ok to dream again and believe in the future. Guess what? My health is improving too. Permission for takeoff finally granted. Phew!
This re-found love lightens my step and refreshes my soul. It lifts me up so that I can touch the sweet clouds of my own infinite possibilities. It makes me fly and soar with two feet firmly planted on the (kitchen) floor. No need for Osmar and the liquor. My positive choice for life is a daily happy fix. I’ll be the one taking my husband and kids to Brazil. We’ll dance the samba together. And we’ll send you a text: “Landed safely in love. With life. With each other. :)”
My deepest thanks to Brad Yates, my EFT coach/wizard (www.bradyates.net) who encouraged me to write this post and to Gary Blier at ACT (www.advancedcelltraining.com) for his codes and patient care. You are both doing the work of love and helping me regain my health and my life.
Maryse G. Copans © 2011