Part 8: Torres del Rio to Logrono
The Camino walks away from Navarra’s rough terrain and into the Rioja wine region. Trails are infused with wild thyme and rosemary and shine the friendly yellow of vibrant wildflowers. Logrono sits on the Ebro River and boasts the Co-Cathedral of Santa Maria de la Redonda whose eye-catching towers (known as the “gemelas” or twins) are great examples of the Rioja baroque style.
“What would you want if you were not afraid?”
Over the years I was asked this question many times. Anxiety being my stumbling block, well-meaning practitioners and therapists tried to help me embrace my true desires despite my fears. And my answers would vary depending on how I saw my life at that moment. “I’d like to feel well and travel the world”, or, “I’d like to find my passion beyond motherhood.” (Big one, this, as I used to carry a deep fear of ending up like my mom: old, depressed, and very, very lost.)
In his weekly blog this Monday Michael Neill (yes, the same Michael I’m going to train with in October) asks a similar question:
“What would you STILL want if you were not afraid?”
In his post Michael suggests that articulating what we want usually hides a layer of unspoken fear.
I want to feel well because I’m scared of feeling this bad for the rest of my life. I want to travel the world because life is short and I’ve already wasted too much time. I want to find my passion because, if I don’t, my brain will shrivel and I’ll lose myself in layers of frustration and resentment (and yes, end up like my mom). He calls it “remedial goal setting.”
What would we still want?
What do we want for its sake alone? What is there to reach for past our thoughts of missing out, of not being seen or heard, of being wrong, or right? Beyond our desire to help, change, fix? Is there even anything left to want in that space?
I pondered the question for a couple of days, letting my mind play its friendly games of “I know/I don’t know, and when it settled as it always does, this is what came up:
When I rest in the gap between thoughts, I want everything: to explore, experience, expand, engage, be of service. And love. Always love.
When I rest in the awareness of Life’s natural flow, I want nothing. Because there’s nothing to want. It’s all already there. The Flow is by nature expanding, engaged, and loving.
What about you?
If you were not afraid, what would YOU still want?
PS #9: Fear does not hold the key to what I want
“Flow is the doorway to the ‘more’ that most of us seek. – Ned Halowell”
Maryse Godet Copans © 2017