TWIN QUESTIONS

Part 8: Torres del Rio to Logrono

The Camino walks away from Navarra’s rough terrain and into the Rioja wine region. Trails are infused with wild thyme and rosemary and shine the friendly yellow of vibrant wildflowers. Logrono sits on the Ebro River and boasts the Co-Cathedral of Santa Maria de la Redonda whose eye-catching towers (known as the “gemelas” or twins) are great examples of the Rioja baroque style.

 

“What would you want if you were not afraid?”

Over the years I was asked this question many times. Anxiety being my stumbling block, well-meaning practitioners and therapists tried to help me embrace my true desires despite my fears. And my answers would vary depending on how I saw my life at that moment. “I’d like to feel well and travel the world”, or, “I’d like to find my passion beyond motherhood.” (Big one, this, as I used to carry a deep fear of ending up like my mom: old, depressed, and very, very lost.)

In his weekly blog this Monday Michael Neill (yes, the same Michael I’m going to train with in October) asks a similar question:

“What would you STILL want if you were not afraid?”

In his post Michael suggests that articulating what we want usually hides a layer of unspoken fear.

I want to feel well because I’m scared of feeling this bad for the rest of my life. I want to travel the world because life is short and I’ve already wasted too much time. I want to find my passion because, if I don’t, my brain will shrivel and I’ll lose myself in layers of frustration and resentment (and yes, end up like my mom). He calls it “remedial goal setting.”

What would we still want?

What do we want for its sake alone? What is there to reach for past our thoughts of missing out, of not being seen or heard, of being wrong, or right? Beyond our desire to help, change, fix? Is there even anything left to want in that space?

I pondered the question for a couple of days, letting my mind play its friendly games of “I know/I don’t know, and when it settled as it always does, this is what came up:

When I rest in the gap between thoughts, I want everything: to explore, experience, expand, engage, be of service.  And love. Always love.

When I rest in the awareness of Life’s natural flow, I want nothing. Because there’s nothing to want. It’s all already there. The Flow is by nature expanding, engaged, and loving.

What about you?

If you were not afraid, what would YOU still want?

 

PS #9: Fear does not hold the key to what I want

 “Flow is the doorway to the ‘more’ that most of us seek. – Ned Halowell” 

DSCF3287Maryse Godet Copans © 2017

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Embracing the Impossible

Part 7: Estella to Torres del Rio

The highlight of this long hike is the wine fountain, “Fuente del Vino” at the Monastery of Nuestra Senora la Real de Irache where excited pilgrims are treated to (scallop size servings of) free wine on tap or water before venturing into miles of uninhabited and colorful patchwork landscapes.

 

[Back in January I started Michael Neill’s “Creating The Impossible: a 90 day program to get your dreams out of your head and into the world.” As part of this adventure I’ve been posting one #dailycreation on Facebook every day for the last three months. Today I’m having some rhyming fun inspired by the very first picture I shared. Blame it on the Fuente del Vino. Even though I would stick to water I’ve definitely been affected by the mood around the fountain! In a moment of folly (or clarity?), I even decided to sign up for SuperCoach Academy, Michael’s six month training program that starts with a week intensive in London at the end of October. Be careful before picking up your pilgrim’s passport, my friends. The journey may very well take you beyond the possible.]

THE SILENT CALL OF THE CARDBOARD BOXES

Once upon an ordinary day,

filled with stress, stuff, and no play,

sprouted an idea, simple and bright,

to look at everything in a different light

 

…and there it was, dull and uninviting,

the forgotten stack of weekly recycling.

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What else might be lurking in those dark corners

besides routine, chores, nothing that matters?

Could there be pleasure, laughter, and fun

in all that we dismiss as annoying, or dumb?

 

Friends, we’re not doomed to remain at the surface of life,

forever stuck with what we must do and don’t like.

There is another way when we stop fighting

what was, will be, or is unfolding,

and open to the wild wild potential

of the mundane, ordinary, and normal.

 

Will you join me in an exploration

of this peculiar kind of invitation?

There’s no work or effort involved,

all rules, should, musts, get dissolved

and replaced by an openness to see,

to embrace what before was deemed too low-key.

 

And please share what shows up for you

when you entertain what comes out of the blue.

 

Thank you!

 

PS #8: There’s a true sense of liberation when flowing with inspiration

 

“As we wake up to our deeper nature and true creative potential, our real life turns out to be even better than the life of our dreams.” – Michael Neill

 

Maryse Godet Copans © 2017

 

Insight Information

Part 6 – Puente la Reina to Estella

Though long (24 km) this is one of the easier portions of the Camino where parts of the old Roman road to Santiago can still be found. Pilgrims walk through farmlands (olive groves and vineyards) and rest on medieval bridges taking in the views and enjoying the journey.

 

[This piece was written with all my ALPOM friends in mind (A Little Peace of Mind). May you all let yourselves be lived and enjoy the ride.]

 

Life is about squeezing lemons.

Or so we are told from a very young age: “If life gives you lemons, make lemonade,” or orangeade, or lemon meringue pie. Whatever comes your way, do not sit on your butt. Go make something with it. Something tasty. Something juicy. And so over the years, we become master squeezers. We pick up what life throws our way and apply ourselves to the thankless task of making it meaningful and worthwhile, and when the juice is bitter or we get tired of cooking, we are quick to judge ourselves as lacking or even failing.

For most of my life, I’ve dutifully applied myself to mastering the art of squeezing lemons. With the help of coaches and therapists I did my best to discover my purpose and heed the voice in my head that was chanting, “go, go, go.” Until my personal journey with anxiety and a state of utter emotional exhaustion led me, a year ago, to experiment with an easier way to live: “I’m going to live by invitation only,” I decided. “Instead of trying to figure out my next step, I shall wait for it to present itself.”  I did not know it at the time, but that was an insight, and a big one at that. I was done mixing drinks of any kind. There and then I started to follow the invisible thread that would guide me along a path I no longer needed to anticipate. And to my surprise, retiring my inner juicing equipment and walking the walk as it revealed itself have proven a winning recipe. My anxious mind is, at long last, calming down, and in this space of healing, another voice is rising.

It speaks in the silence between thoughts, during walks with my dog, while I’m doing the dishes, or typing these words. It comes when I’m awake at night or in the first flutters of consciousness at dawn. It is gentle and wise yet cuts through the crap like the sharpest of knives: “Life is full of lemons, full of oranges and berries. Make whatever appeals, and only if it appeals. No rules. No guilt. No shame.” It’s that simple.

Insights are glimpses of clarity that sprout, unannounced, out of the mysterious depths of my being, shifting the way I look at life and experience my circumstances. They are as effortless as shooting stars lighting the night sky and leave in their trail a renewed sense of ease, gratitude, and awe. After a lifetime of trying to reach elusive destinations, carrying bag loads of shoulds and musts, insights feel to me like a return to peace, a coming home to the comfort of what I see to be true. They’re like the dance of a cozy fire after a storm, the flash of understanding in the midst of confusion, the first light of the rising sun.

Life is about living.

It’s all meaningful and it’s all worthwhile. Life knows to grow lemons, to ripen them, and to grant me the ability to make lemonade if desired. Life is about experiencing life, filled with the sheer good fortune of being here and the quiet confidence of navigating well, one insight at a time. No squeezing required.

 

“Being at ease with not knowing is crucial for answers to come to you.”

Eckhart Tolle

 

PS#7: It’s ok to open up to a different kind of knowing.

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Maryse Godet Copans © 2017

Yuletide In-Quest

Part 5 – Pamplona to Puente la Reina

This section of the Camino involves climbing up Alto del Perdón (the Hill of Forgiveness) sometimes in strong windy conditions. It is said that it’s the rocky and bumpy descent, though, that absolves pilgrims of all their sins as it is hard and calls for extreme caution and strong knees. Since 1996, a steel sculpture by Vincent Galbete has immortalized pilgrims on their way to Compostela. From there on the walk is fairly gentle to Puente la Reina.

 

What if we don’t need to be forgiven? What if the climbs up and down, whether hard or easy, are there so we can experience the mountain? What if we are not sinners granted redemption through trials and suffering? What if our sole purpose in life is to live it moment by moment, with joy, fear, death and birth, and everything in between?

What if we don’t need new light shining on our path of loss and hardship? What if the light that we are can never be extinguished?  What if it’s not about finding hope when we’ve lost our way? What if we cannot ever lose our way?

What if we don’t need to be shown how much God loves us? What if it’s a given in each breath, each heartbeat, whether we’re aware of it or not?

What if there’s no hill to climb? What if there’s nothing to believe in? What if we’re simply meant to dance the uncertain dance of life with a Presence as elusive as it is steady?

What if the meaning of Christmas does not lie in words or the stories we tell? What if this child, born in a barn, has more to say than what can be written or taught, more to share than peace, myrrh, or gold?

What if this child is no prince at all? What if he is the divine yet perfectly human part of us, waiting to be uncovered?

And what if all we’ll ever need is to be reminded that we are both the covering and the unveiling?

What if this is why Jesus was born?

 

May the spirit of Christmas be with you all.

May you remember that you are always, always whole.

 

PS #6: Some questions don’t need answers.

 

“I would rather have questions that can’t be answered than answers that can’t be questioned.” – Richard Feynman

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Maryse Godet Copans © 2017

BE-attitudes

Part Four: From Zubiri to Ronscevalles  

 Leaving the steep hills of the Pyrenees, the Camino now runs along the Arga River, gifting pilgrims with much gentler trails and beautiful old stone houses.

 “The Beatitudes of the Pilgrims,” which are the inspiration for this post, are handed out in some of the local churches.

 

Blessed are we, fellow pilgrims, in this time of thanksgiving, when we celebrate what truly matters and recognize what doesn’t; when we listen beyond the chatter in our heads and hear the space that speaks without ever making a sound.

Blessed are we, when we meet each other exactly where we stand, without judgment and with kindness; when we don’t search for meaning behind every word or every smile but let the flow of Presence reveal to us that we are all the same.

Blessed are we, when the gap between friendly banter and strong words reminds us that what we truly want is love; when we see that the noise without and the silence within can both resonate with the love that we are.

Blessed are we, my friends, when the journey shifts from being about its own elusive ending to becoming a moment by moment exploration of truth; when we see that everything belongs to our unfolding and that there’s never any need to get it right.

Blessed are we, when we wake up to the glory of each passing day and dive fully into the experience of it all; when the coming home is as cherished as the leaving again, and we can hold bliss, pain, and all that flows in between in one human embrace.

Blessed are we indeed, when the light of Thanksgiving inspires us to share from a place of humility and openness; when we take our seat at the table, eating one bread and drinking from one cup, and savor together the divine feast of being alive.

 

“If the only prayer you ever said was thank you, that would be enough.” – Meister Eckhart

 

PS [passport’s stamp] #5: Living IS the blessing

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Maryse Godet Copans © 2017

GROVE OF HOPE

[Several of you, faithful readers, have suggested that I try my plume at a short story. As a pilgrimage is indeed about traveling the unexpected and uncomfortable, I am gracing you today with the result of this adventure, more of a poetic fantasy, though, than a tale.]

 

Part Three: Roncesvalles to Zubiri

The Camino crosses two mountain passes before continuing on to Zubiri through sprawling forests known as The Oak Grove of the Witches where several women were burned at the stake in the 14th & 16th century and where a white cross (Cruz de Blanco) was erected to greet pilgrims on the path.

The woods are thick and somber. Their black canopy stands guard as fallen branches and logs draw scary figures that play out the nightmare.  Clusters of bushes, like soldiers, protect the memory of those sacrificed in the name of truth. Underground magic lurks in the damp earth, its power luring the weak and punishing the strong.

A white cross poses as divine ruler of this haunted kingdom. Here voices once rose to meet the Heavens, their broken litany unheard, or simply ignored. Here played the drama of man’s mistaken image of God. The wounded are not gone and the wound still bleeds.

The path is narrow and treacherous yet Man walks on.

A gravely trail leads him into shades of green that rustle with resilience and restoration.  Leaves and needles awake at his steady approach, greeting the arrival of the one who brings change. Rocks look up from under blankets of moss and cheer his advance into the flow of all that grows, dies, flies, and lives again. Roots re-arrange their patterns to ease his way forward into more depth, less darkness. They know it’s in the light that one can see.

The woods are dense and silent yet Woman hears their welcome.

Trees stand taller to meet the witch’s return; ferns capture timid flickers of sunlight that take her into the core of the ancient curse.  The air picks up the richness of her purpose and drinks in the fullness of her resolve.  As the haunted grove falls under the spell of her peaceful breathing, the path widens and opens onto a small clearing where grass is soft and inviting. There wilderness gets tamed into flowers and space buzzes with hope and promises.

There, Woman and Man rest, pilgrims of Peace in a place of unrest, envoys of the Goddess from a time ruled by fear. The white cross responds to the familiar message flowing from their hearts and heeds their timeless vision. It remembers its original calling as once shared by a single soul in a barren land and, with arms wide and high, claims back its sacred Truth. The wounded are blessed and, at long last, the wound is healed.

Man and Woman walk, ever onward,

and the forest is renewed.

PS [passport’s stamp] #4: Love is divine magic

“Do not pity the dead, Harry, pity the living, and above all those who live without love.” – Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows [J.K. Rowling]

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Maryse Godet Copans © 2017

 

 

 

This Pilgrim’s Prayer

Part Two : Orisson to Roncesvalles
This is, by most accounts, the most intense part of the Camino. 14 km uphill across the French/Spanish border, to a summit at 1450m.
Roland perished here in 448 and his song still haunts the pass on misty days.

 

May I carve my own path, through the muddy or green pastures of my mind. My heart, friendly foe, will only speak when asked.

May I meet the sunrise with eager eyes and willing feet, and focus, not on my journey’s end, but on its potential.

May I laugh and cry with strangers; may I stand alone too lest I miss the tinkling of sheep bells in the distance.

May I surrender to the fog enveloping the hills like a shroud of unanswered questions, and remember, in the wind’s silence, that trees can sway and still stay rooted.

May I find my own pace through the restlessness of unbending desires:

To be light.

To be free.

To find meaning on an unforgiving climb that somehow forgives everything.

May I not wish for smoother trails but know instead the nature of every drop of rain, every turned stone, and carry within me the message of their simple godliness.

Each placed to wake me from sleepwalking.

Each begging to share the sacred space of my pilgrimage.

Each urging my heart to do the leading.

May my weary body greet the night with pleasure, and my anxious spirit relax in the mystery of the traveler’s path.

May I walk ever onward, safe and aware, and remember that within each step lies the secret of life itself,

quiet,

stubborn.

Victorious.

 

“The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.”
― Søren Kierkegaard

 

Passport Stamp [PS] #3: Don’t wait till all else fails to pray.

 

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Maryse Godet Copans © 2017